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By: Aidan Busch
In my second year of teaching, I faced a difficult class—the kind that quickly gains a reputation and seems intent on living into it. My first-period section of US History students was especially challenging, filled with big personalities, behavior issues, and diverse learning needs. As a new teacher still figuring out classroom management, I felt overwhelmed by the tardiness,disengagement, and defiance I seemed to encounter daily.
Among these students was Darrell—a bright, capable student who at first glance seemed uninterested in school. Frustrated by his apparent lack of respect, I often came down hard on him, sending him to the Dean’s office instead of taking the time to understand who he was as a person. Our relationship quickly soured, setting the tone for a difficult year.
Reflecting on that experience, I realized that building genuine connections with my students was the missing link to fostering a much-needed sense of well-being in my classroom. This may seem obvious, but I was unsure how to begin building relationships that started poorly. To change momentum, I decided to experiment with a small but consistent daily gesture that would let my students know they were seen and valued before the lesson even began.
Relationships are #1
To be a successful teacher I need to prioritize building relationships with my students. If I am to invite them into a place of productive struggle, asking them to continuously challenge themselves, grow, and improve, they need to be able to trust me and know that I am taking them up the bumpy slope of learning because I love and care about them. Building relationships is core to establishing an environment characterized by feedback, engagement, and well-being (Eckert, 2023).
With Darrell, the message I communicated on day one was not “Here’s where we’re going. I got you,” but rather “Behave or else.” This immediately set the tone for the year, and I likely lost him there before things soured further. I made the mistake of seeing him for his surface behavior rather than getting to know him as a person.
In my time in Baylor’s MA in School Leadership (MASL), I’ve learned just how central relationships are for all areas of flourishing in schools. Especially as Christians, we are called to see our students as the image bearers they are (Gen 1:27) and be Christlike in our interactions with them, slow to anger and quick to guide them with love that is consistent and faithful (Ex.34:6).
We know from Zaretta Hammond (2015) that our brain has a “safety-threat system” (p.45) that pushes us into Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Appease mode when we encounter stress, fear, challenge, or trauma. I didn’t know that student’s story- I had no clue who he was or where he came from. What I interpreted as disrespect was likely completely unrelated to anything about me, and rather than take proactive measures to establish trust with this student, I simply reinforced his fight response and established my classroom as a place to withdraw from.
In my third year of teaching, I began a practice of standing at the door and fist-bumping each student when they entered, greeting them by name. I began the practice as a classroom management “trick,” but I quickly realized that this is a powerful way to build relationships early in the school year. I’ve begun calling it “fist-bump diplomacy,” and this practice communicates three things:
I see you.
I know you.
I’m glad you’re here.
Each component is necessary to build healthy relationships with students early in the year to establish the well-being necessary for learning.
I see you
Modern education in the United States can be an anonymizing experience. We’ve all had those teachers or professors who never really seemed to learn our name, and didn’t care much to call on us or see us beyond our work. Looking a student in the eyes, greeting them by name, and extending a fist-bump communicates “I see you entering my classroom, and I know that you are here. Welcome.”
This is small, but beginning class this way each period allows me to also gather formative data on how students are doing. I can keep an eye out for students who are in need of a bit more support that day, or who I know are prone to a fight response when challenged. These micro-data points are stored away and become immensely useful while teaching the lesson or interacting with that student later on.
I Know You
The fist bump is the secret sauce of this interaction. It means I go through a lot of hand sanitizer, but I believe that a small act of physical contact communicates “I am comfortable enough around you to make contact.”
If students are wondering if we really care about getting to know them, this functions as a subtle indicator that we do indeed value them as fellow members of the class community. I’ve expanded this practice to nearly every interaction I have with students. Approaching a group in the hallway to talk about their language? Start and end with a fist-bump. Giving a student feedback on an essay? Fist-bump. Congratulating a student on their growth on the most recent test? Fist-bump.
It’s become second nature to both me and my students, and this simple act of physical touch has become the gateway to establishing a connection with students I may not initially know well. Once we’ve established this connection, we can move deeper into establishing a sense of belonging.
I’m Glad You’re Here
We can’t invite learners into a place of productive struggle or challenge if they do not feel like they belong or are welcome.
As I’ve stepped into a leadership role at my school, I’ve seen how this extends to adults as well. Our course on Instructional leadership in the MASL helped me to understand that teachers cannot be expected to grow and improve if they are afraid to let others into their practice due to a hostile or punitive supervisor. Administrators can’t serve their staff well if they are afraid of feedback or transparency.
High expectations require high levels of relationship, and developing a routine of welcome and excitement around our time together (whether in a classroom or on a staff team) was what I needed with Darrell and my first-period class that year.
The Bottom Line
“Fist-bump diplomacy” is not a silver bullet that solves all classroom management or staff relationship issues. It won’t, and hasn’t for me! However, I’ve found that this small act has opened the door for deeper relationships and richer learning. I’d like to challenge you to develop or reinforce one practice in your daily routine that communicates I see you, I know you, and I’m glad you’re here for those you serve. Once the seed of a relationship has germinated, the work can begin!
Citations:
Eckert, J. (2023). Just teaching: Feedback, engagement, and well-being for each student.
Corwin.
Hammond, Z. (2015). Culturally responsive teaching and the brain: Promoting authentic
engagement and rigor among culturally and linguistically diverse students. Corwin.
About the Author
Aidan Busch grew up in the northwest Chicago Suburbs, and graduated from Wheaton College with a BA in History and Secondary Education. He is passionate about helping students understand the complexity of history, and his favorite time period to study (and teach!) is the lead-up to the Civil War. In his free time, Aidan loves to do anything outside with his wife Courtney and dog Strider and leads a small group at church. Most weekends, he can be found with a good book, podcast, and cup of coffee.